I guess there arose a moment of life reflection while I was in the back seat of the Explorer laying on my little brother while he was asleep on the drive back home. It was comfortable. We had a long way to go. To be fair, he always makes me his pillow so I guess this was a little “brotherly justice”.
We were out celebrating my other brother’s 16th birthday on Saturday at a steakhouse in New Jersey that he wanted to go to. The food was awesome. The drive was awesome too. It has been so weird, yet wonderful, watching my brother cross these teenage years. From his whiny and temperamental early pubescent phase to the cool and full of himself venture into “young man” status. He is really growing up fast and I couldn’t be more proud of the dude he’s becoming. It’s also pretty cool seeing the ways he takes after me and what he does better than me. Continue Reading
So in the previous post I was all like i’ll never walk away from my brother and now I have. Or rather im trying my damnedest to. It sucks because it’s hurting me this much and I know he’s upset too, but what am I supposed to do?
Besides..its not like i’ll never see him. Two of my other brothers live with him. I just have to get really good at making my mind erase him.
You gotta understand, i’m not the kindof person that let’s people in very often on a deeply personal level. …lol all of my veteran readers know this… In fact, i’m very much against it. I don’t trust easily because my emotional core being is probably my biggest weakness and I don’t like being vulnerable. Its easy for me to make friends, but im very picky because I believe in all or nothing.
But my vulnerability with those who are my family is a whole different level.
Its like a piece of me is gone. A major component that helps make me has been ripped off never to return gain. Well that’s how I look at it. I love my bro so much that if he really feels I’m that bad of a person, I will walk away. But to have him around so much is so painful because I have the memories. So I must make as if he doesn’t exist.
I even left the chain he gave me on his dresser last night.
It was all just a dream. It never happened. I never met him. I will go to work and his name will just be another random kid in the program.But now I have to decide whether I change my tattoo or not. Because when I was going to get my 2nd one, in 12days lol, I was going to have all my little brothers’ initials added on my side. Do I omit him or do I just make that the last action I take as his older brother?
Just for the record, he was always the one that stressed me out the most. That’s how insanely much I love him.
Til next time. Stay frosty.
p.s. hi kenneth. U tweeted me as I was doing this part lol.