So in the previous post I was all like i’ll never walk away from my brother and now I have. Or rather im trying my damnedest to. It sucks because it’s hurting me this much and I know he’s upset too, but what am I supposed to do?
Besides..its not like i’ll never see him. Two of my other brothers live with him. I just have to get really good at making my mind erase him.
You gotta understand, i’m not the kindof person that let’s people in very often on a deeply personal level. …lol all of my veteran readers know this… In fact, i’m very much against it. I don’t trust easily because my emotional core being is probably my biggest weakness and I don’t like being vulnerable. Its easy for me to make friends, but im very picky because I believe in all or nothing.
But my vulnerability with those who are my family is a whole different level.
Its like a piece of me is gone. A major component that helps make me has been ripped off never to return gain. Well that’s how I look at it. I love my bro so much that if he really feels I’m that bad of a person, I will walk away. But to have him around so much is so painful because I have the memories. So I must make as if he doesn’t exist.
I even left the chain he gave me on his dresser last night.
It was all just a dream. It never happened. I never met him. I will go to work and his name will just be another random kid in the program.But now I have to decide whether I change my tattoo or not. Because when I was going to get my 2nd one, in 12days lol, I was going to have all my little brothers’ initials added on my side. Do I omit him or do I just make that the last action I take as his older brother?
Just for the record, he was always the one that stressed me out the most. That’s how insanely much I love him.
Til next time. Stay frosty.
p.s. hi kenneth. U tweeted me as I was doing this part lol.
. well, i guess, i quit this game called handball
. “but cory how could u quit handball?” “i thought id never c this day”… lol, ive been gettin messages like this all day, cuz i had it as my status on aim. (ckashaan16…just in case u wanna im me
). im NOT quittin handball altogether, im just quitting it as a game. no more playin around, its all serious. it all came to me while i went to the park to do a little self practice. my left hand started to hurt. i kno, “wtf does that have to do wit anything”
it meant sumthin to me
. my hands never hurt. ive gotten so use to how hard i hit, that i could play with rocks and not feel it(but my hand will be hurtin when im ready to go to sleep and im relaxin
). the pain, to me, symbolized that i had forgotten my goals. i was supposed to b conditionin my body, gettin more speed, tighter aiming, faster cuts…all to look foward to gettin pro rankin next yr and then joinin official tourneys soon after
. now i guess, its just a matter of how fast can i bring myself baq to full productive status
but im goin for mechanical engineerin, cuz if i switch to education major, i at least wont have to take any extra math classes later. i love the subject, buts its too much work
Boi Growing Up 