So where to begin? I can’t even say it has been a while, because its been wayyy longer than a while since i’ve last posted. I just hope I can keep my thoughts coherent because it’s not raining and you know I write clearer in the rain lol. But as usual something has gone wrong to just overflow my bucket of stress and I have to pour it somewhere.

I don’t know. I guess my question is: at what point do you confront someone who’s upset with you and when do you just let them fix on their own? What if that decision is biased by the fact you can’t risk losing them? What if they are the closest people to you? What if you can’t understand or reach them?

I, ladies and gentlemen, have gotten the rare pleasure of hearing the words “you are no longer my brother” twice this week now. Its a little annoying, kinda like “will you get over yourself”, and tiring to deal with. I have 5 brothers. 1 older and 4 younger. 1 of which is a baby. So of the 3 influential younger ones, I have a perfect relationship with 2 of them and I can’t figure out how to be perfect with the last one. I’ve tried spoiling, tough love….alot of older brother tough love…., and plain old indifference. I love them 2 death so much so im getting their initials in my next tattoo.

Yaaay tattoo in 2 weeks!!!!

But I can’t read him like I used 2 when he was younger. Puberty is driving me crazy with him and I knew it would, but I didn’t think this much. And honestly with no biological relation at all between us, I can walk away and my life wouldn’t be that bad. I only have 1 brother out of 6 siblings that i have a blood relation with by the way.

..but now what kind of person am I?

I truly would be the worst brother in the world. Sad truth is, I’ve done it before. We were in this situation, he decided to not acknowledge me anymore, I said ok, it was done. Then he breaks down and claims he still needs me. Im saying ok again, but I think this time im going to just ask for a second chance or something. I mean damn, I diverted my life in a pretty major way just because he couldn’t handle me moving to another state. Well it was more like a country lol.

..how ’bout them dumplings? (A reference to what country I was going to lol)

I just would like to know what to do. Maybe a hint. A frigging sign of sorts. Id hate to give up, but im such an over-the-top pacifist that I divert away from conflict. This is conflict..but also my brother. So I guess im conflicted.

Til next time. Stay frosty.