Love is not something I hand out easily. It takes a whole lot to trust enough to be able to let my guard down and expose my soft interior. My love is a degree even further beyond that. So far away that “on the horizon” doesn’t apply here. Unreachable by any conceivable means, but when you hit it…it’s more the impact to myself that I have to brace myself for. Continue Reading
All posts tagged thinking
Well I mean technically there isn’t a bad way. Wait, yes there is. Of course there is a bad way. Umm ignorance and plain disregard for teachings?
I’ve had years of studying, learning, and practice and I’m still so weak in my resolve on some things. Christians, in my opinion, have it so easy. They get to do whatever, repent and say they’re sorry, then resume and repent some more. For me, put simply, I get bit in the ass from the universe just for a wrong thought whether I’m sorry or not. Tell me, do you have the self-control to handle a reactionary thought and keep it peaceful?
And these last 2 days was a tough one up there in my head.
I say “put simply” because this post is not a breakdown of my religion. That can be another time if I feel like it. Continue Reading
Im a solo guy. I always have been, I always thought I would be. I walk fast, eat fast, make moves fast, live fast. I just stay at a breakneck speed and not many people can keep up so I assumed no one can and do things alone. Sometimes I take time out, but not often.
But let me be clear. I always thought I’d be a solo guy, not a single guy.
Now I have a boyfriend and it’s like speedbrake!! Like just today I woke up, did some flight simulations, ate breakfast..a rarity.., and decided imma go to the pride parade then eat then maybe walk around and do some shopping. All by myself lol. Then I applied major breaking and thought, “umm maybe i might want to see if my boyfriend wants to hang out”. So I modified my itinerary and asked ken if he’d like to go out.
But that took a conscious active thought.
Staying single for so long and not trying to jump into anything, my auto-thought processes go straight to entertaining myself. But im trying hard to switch over. It’ll take a small step at a time though and i’m used to quick results when I do something lol. Just like my brother’s dad told me yesterday. I need to be more patient I guess.
Besides if i’m willing to change with that much effort, it shows how much I like him. Well to me anyway. And I say people don’t change. 😉
Til next time. Stay frosty.
warning-do not read this unless u really kno me or u wouldnt mind knowin sumthin about me.
ok so its raining and im up at 4 in the morning just thinkiin an reflecting. where have i come from? where am i? where do i see myself goin? i kno these r sum questions that many of us ponder over alot, but it really had me thinkin today. i found my answer to the 1st two , but the last one im not clear on yet. another set came into my head; what friends have i had? who r my friends now? how have i treated them? how have they treated me? what kind of people will i surround myself in the future? these questions really dove into my head and i decided i should write this down. to get sum things off my chest, ya kno?
warning-seriously, im bout to use names. dun get offended or dun read it.
to start off id like to apologize to one of my old friends jeffrey. dude i messed wit u alot 8th grade alongside wit kenneth. i guess i took out my fustration out on u for those previous three years, when i shouldve taken it out on him, but we all make mistakes. i learned my lesson though. kenneth, u r one of the most quiet and secluded pepole i kno. y dude? its funny how u picked on me in the 7th grade, dun think i’ll ever forget that, and then i bitchitized u in the 8th. i guess khalid wuz the only reason u acted so tough, ehh?
now for high school. im gonna try and go in order from who i met first, but it’ll get mixed up im sure.
ken. too much to say. i guess ever since u first gave me ur card in computer class i knew i would never shake u. u were by far, my most interesting and challengin friend. u had an openess about u that baffled me cuz i’ve never experienced it before. then over time i didn wanna shake u, but i wanted us to be kool. i mean really, i dun invite many other people into my house. and i think ur dad likes me alot. but i must say im sry for alot of things. u were, or at least tried to be, a genuine person to me and i wuznt ready for all that so i sortof drove u away. bruisin ur arm for example. i can honestly say i wuz an asshole and u still chilled wit me. that wuz a good thing for me, cuz i get a good friend now, but if sumone treats u crappy dun stay wit them dude. thats not good for u. and dude maybe u should sit baq and chillax sumtimes. and i have to say no matter what, i’ll always support u even when i think ur crazy and a little overboard.
joey. how do i describe u. mayb i looked up to u in a way. or maybe i just wanted to be like u. no. it wuz when u called me ur little brother i believed it. thats probably y i let u treat me like u did. but i didn mind for sum reason. u were kool to me at times. but honestly, if sumone else had called me tampon before u had gotten me used to it, they wouldve gotten me black again and i wouldve kicked the shit out of them. from u it seemed like one of those names the older one calls the younger one. as if cory wuznt enough. but u were the one whose lead i followed. gettin into rock, not bein quiet anymore freshman year, even makin this site to begin with. damn i even lost weight and started workin out cuz of u. funny isnt? u probably changed me the most, or just broke a wall that i didnt even kno i put up.
raven. it seems we’ve cooled off around mid-junior year. but thats ok. its funny, when i came into high skool, i remember a discussion in ms. babsky’s class. u always had the most insightful opinions. and ur intellegence wuz one that astounded me. eventually astoundance grew into like. i’ll admit it yea i had a crush on u. even now that radiant smile of urs when u say hi, still moves me a little.
tony. this would be a tough one. i’ve worked wit u alot over these years. damn we’ve been stuck together. (btw as im typin this the sun is rising) is it just me or has it been one manipulation after another wit us? communications for college now. forensics this year. truthfully if it wuz anyone else i wouldnt still be in that class. but i guess we’ve been kool, a sort of distanced kool but thats alright. and i hate to mention this but i will. i am the last person to wanna get between people and maybe i just dun kno ur history, but wtf r u doin wit mok?
and since i just mentioned u. mok do u kno ur a complete asshole? we talk when it suits u and then u rip on me when u want. dude seriously its probable for us to come fist to face before skool is over. but i settle all my disputes on the courts and leave them there. so wutever.
garvin. how r u? my absolutely most polite, genuine, considerate, nice, clear-headed, just all around kool friend. i cant wait to see where u end up in the future. it seems like no matter where we r we seem to have fun, thats the best thing. and u absolutely have to come on the senior trip if u can dude__. it would suck without u.
desmond. perharps the person who knos me the most. also one of the few people to visit my home. (of which now i moved from) we hang out the most and u were definitly the first person to come up wit the idea for me to do sumthin on my birthday.(movies wuz fun. i appreciate it). but have u ever thought maybe u overreact alot. we’ve been havin sum rocky moments lately and its all over handball. seriously if u kno when i go afterskool and play, im there forever. u dun like to come, so y do u? its not me thinkin of myself, its u making a stupid decision thats hurtin our friendship.
jonathan. buddy. im not sure when it happened, but all of a sudden we were hangin out. dun get me wrong, its been fun evrytime. although im slightly scared to play handball wit u cuz u always end up hittin me sumwhere on my head, but i think i’ll just wear a helmet from now on. and u always seem like ur so giddy. and u and sam r cute. and no more fatty foods or shes gonna kill me. she scares me more than u. (just kiddin samantha)
ok so now its about 7:16 and im gettin a little tired. i have been writing for a little under 2 hours now and theres still more to write about. all except one i wouldnt hesitate to call my friend. sum i would even call a best friend. try to tell which ones. for now imma go to sleep. or maybe get high on some mountain dew and wait til my body gets baq to normal so i can start playin games. if u happened to read this, drop a comment. if u happened to be a person who i named and read this(most of the people there kno this site) leave a thought or two.