Well I mean technically there isn’t a bad way. Wait, yes there is. Of course there is a bad way. Umm ignorance and plain disregard for teachings?
I’ve had years of studying, learning, and practice and I’m still so weak in my resolve on some things. Christians, in my opinion, have it so easy. They get to do whatever, repent and say they’re sorry, then resume and repent some more. For me, put simply, I get bit in the ass from the universe just for a wrong thought whether I’m sorry or not. Tell me, do you have the self-control to handle a reactionary thought and keep it peaceful?
And these last 2 days was a tough one up there in my head.
I say “put simply” because this post is not a breakdown of my religion. That can be another time if I feel like it. Continue Reading
:sigh: today I just feel like an emotional black hole. Just anyone I come in contact with will be sucked into my vortex of despair. It sucks.
Honestly id be a much more consistently happy person if I didn’t live with my mom. I can’t even be like nothing I do is ever good enough because I don’t give two shits about her opinion anymore, that issue is reserved for my dad, but she always finds something wrong. Its my friends, or my job, or what I do, how much I play, or when I go out, where I go out, who I know, who I help, or just that I didn’t see her when I woke this morning. She will find an argument like that’s her damn full time job. And I really don’t have a choice except to put up with it. Whereas I don’t have the ability to move out alone yet, im just waiting til my bestie is settled and then we out, I can move with other people. Geez even some of the parents at my job know my situation with my mom and offered to let me live with them.
And I swear the universe is testing my patience because sometimes I think she isn’t dying soon enough to have her insurance policy worth my mental agony.
I told her years ago, once I moved out I was never speaking to anyone on that side of my family again. I so meant it. Even at 13.
But as buddhism goes. Its all meant to be, so I might as well be a good little boy and deal. Well im trying to deal, but dammit I have limits. I keep getting closer and closer every time.
Til next time. Stay..just idk.