:sigh: today I just feel like an emotional black hole. Just anyone I come in contact with will be sucked into my vortex of despair. It sucks.
Honestly id be a much more consistently happy person if I didn’t live with my mom. I can’t even be like nothing I do is ever good enough because I don’t give two shits about her opinion anymore, that issue is reserved for my dad, but she always finds something wrong. Its my friends, or my job, or what I do, how much I play, or when I go out, where I go out, who I know, who I help, or just that I didn’t see her when I woke this morning. She will find an argument like that’s her damn full time job. And I really don’t have a choice except to put up with it. Whereas I don’t have the ability to move out alone yet, im just waiting til my bestie is settled and then we out, I can move with other people. Geez even some of the parents at my job know my situation with my mom and offered to let me live with them.
And I swear the universe is testing my patience because sometimes I think she isn’t dying soon enough to have her insurance policy worth my mental agony.
I told her years ago, once I moved out I was never speaking to anyone on that side of my family again. I so meant it. Even at 13.
But as buddhism goes. Its all meant to be, so I might as well be a good little boy and deal. Well im trying to deal, but dammit I have limits. I keep getting closer and closer every time.
Til next time. Stay..just idk.