A LITTLE PAIN

Posted by ckashaan on December 9, 2008
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well then, wut to say. i guess first i should explain the title shouldnt i. well, i guess, i quit this game called handball. “but cory how could u quit handball?” “i thought id never c this day”…  lol, ive been gettin messages like this all day, cuz i had it as my status on aim. (ckashaan16…just in case u wanna im me). im NOT quittin handball altogether, im just quitting it as a game. no more playin around, its all serious. it all came to me while i went to the park to do a little self practice. my left hand started to hurt. i kno, “wtf does that have to do wit anything” it meant sumthin to me. my hands never hurt. ive gotten so use to how hard i hit, that i could play with rocks and not feel it(but my hand will be hurtin when im ready to go to sleep and im relaxin). the pain, to me, symbolized that i had forgotten my goals. i was supposed to b conditionin my body, gettin more speed, tighter aiming, faster cuts…all to look foward to gettin pro rankin next yr and then joinin official tourneys soon after. and then my goals for skool. ive gotten so laidback and lazy that my 3.5gpa is quickly slippin away and all this came to me from a little pain in my left hand. my body is gettin out of condition cuz ive been neglectin my practice and my work is lacking cuz ive gotten lazy.

its weird how unconnected things give u a grand view of ur life and where ur goin. but then again, i just love handball that much. i swear if teachin paid more than bein a mechanical engineer, id b a teacher and just play hb forever. now i guess, its just a matter of how fast can i bring myself baq to full productive status.

and yes, i also want to b a teacher. preferably math, nothing higher than calc level lol but im goin for mechanical engineerin, cuz if i switch to education major, i at least wont have to take any extra math classes later. i love the subject, buts its too  much work.

well, til next time. stay frosty.

NICE, BUT….

Posted by ckashaan on December 5, 2008
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so i was wondering a while ago, is it possible to b nice and a jerk. ive been doubting my own genuine “niceness” when sumone told me im too nice. i thought to myself, “can i really actually b this authentic”. “could it b that im just bein nice to get wut i want?” i inquired with my buddy and he set me straight. now tell me if u agree with this: “it doesnt matter if why ur nice as long as the other person is receiving it”. it gave me the feelin of “ends justify the means”, to me its kind of a selfish if ur only bein nice to sumone to get sumthin from them. and i dont fully agree wit that, but in this sitch i have to concur. and then i stopped worryin about it. but my word is my genuinity, i never do anything without meanin it fully. to me there is no such thing as “nice, but with an agenda.” ur either one or the other, no in between.

on another note, i guess i will b postin more lol.mayb start bloggin bout sum actual topics than ranting here all the time. i guess it took a person to get me to realize y i started this page in the first place. 1. to vent my stresses startin out in high school. 2. to get advice on little shit that i couldnt solve on my own. 3. to try and b “cool” and 4. cuz i like havein web pages and stuff. i swear i luv her more and more each day(i mean that in the most un-romantic way. but in a nice way) for keepin me in my zone and happy.

till next time. stay frosty.

NOT SURE ANYMORE

Posted by ckashaan on December 4, 2008
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got sum really surprising news last night and its not good. one of my bestest friends called me and told me he was havin sum probs. so we talked and then he let out that he just failed in tryin to kill himself. i was silent for like a min cuz i really didnt kno wut to say. then he said sumthin else, i knew to try and get my mind off it. but throughout the convo i couldnt. i started to wonder wut my life would b like if i suddenly lost him. i mean he’s been with me through alot these yrs. it almost hurt that he would leave me by myself. i hate to admit it, but a tear left my eye this morning on my way to skool. and u kno i dun cry over anything, im that good at holdin emotion. but im not sure id b able to handle myself anymore.

dude, youve been there for evrything. handling me wit my mom. many nights on xbl. damn, if it wasnt for u i wouldnt have had the courage to move foward wit my new self this far. just knoin u were ok wit it gave me the courage to move foward with my new life dude. i can only say, if u leave me now, i swear when i die imma come to u and kick the shit out of ur soul…..and i mean that in the nicest way possible.

but in other news….i really need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. i hold my opinions baq just for this reason, so i dun get involved and im not forced to pick sides. as long as “switzerland” is strong enough to withstand “attacks” from both sides my mentality is safe.

and to my new visitor. hello. i hope u have an ok experience here lol. welcome to one part of my life that u have left to learn about. arent  glad i put a message here just for u?

well, till next time, stay frosty ppl

and i promise to stop bein so emo and make happier posts.

WAS IT WORTH IT?….

Posted by ckashaan on October 7, 2008
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idk lately ive been questioning my motives to stay in the bk. i mean im fightin more wit my mom, i dun really talk to many of my friends anymore, i may have even jeopordized my car. well if i wouldve went away like i planned…id b only cool wit very few ppl, like now…ii wouldve gotten my car before i left for college, not like now…and i’d b happier cuz i wouldnt have to deal wit my mom all the damn time. now u weigh the decisions, was it worth it staying? should i have just left evrything behind? but if u knew me, youd kno there was no way i was gonna leave yet. i got too attached to evrything and i cant leave it now. y am i so “codependent”?

ok subset. there is this serious eyecandy in my calc class. like omg if i didnt have t concentrate so hard to pass the class, id b goin crazy. idk, but there’s sumthin about those fob haircuts that gets to me. ok yea, i kno, too soon. ill get u readers adjusted.

subset2. u ass.(youll kno if im talkin about u) how do u read my post and not message me. hello i have a tracker and footprints dude. i kno ur thinkin about it cuz u posted right after u read it. wutever dude. if we end here, we end here. but we need to talk.