luv

All posts tagged luv

THE WINDOW TO THE FUTURE…TEACHING

Posted by ckashaan on February 3, 2010
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like really. of all the high paying jobs my mind is qualified for and i picked the one least likely to lead me in a very profitable life. but wut the hell? i luv it. i often get questioned y would i pick this profession, especially with all the trouble in it. but 2 things really stick out in my head. y i luv it and wut scares me the most about it.

i guess we’ll start with y i luv it.

duh im a pretty patient person. more than most r with the little ones. which i also think speaks alot for wut im gonna b doin wit the rest of my life cuz thats needed much. but i really like the idea of bein a positive influential part of another kid’s life. like, ive gone through skool. nvr wanted to b there of course. but with evry skool ive been too, i can pick out the teacher who made such a big difference in my experience there. made me want to learn. made me want to better my mind. and effectively helped cultivate the semi-genius b4 u today.(i kno that sounded oh so conceded…) i just want to b wut those ppl were to me for the next kid. like a passing of knowledge and compassion. mayb thats y ive crammed so much random knowledge in my head cuz i dish it out evrywhere i can. not in a “i kno more than u way” but more of a “take this i, absorb it, and use it for urself”. i think the perfect comparison would b to the book The Giver. they stopped readin it in skool about when i was there so if u havent read it, i highly recommend it. well in a nutshell, thats my motive.

moving on to my fear about it.

imma just lose it. im probably like the most textbook case passive aggressive person youll meet. totally. i will take shit and take and take then blow up later. this is y, as a precaution, i do things to let off steam. that built up pressure. i blog, i workout, and i play handball. which is y i think i hit the ball extremely hard when i just let go. like my mind has an auto vent switch that goes off sometimes witout me noticing. which now u probably c my worry. wut if that were to happen when im wit a kid or sumthin. besides looking bad, it can b highly destructive and id rather not voluntarily put another person in the blast radius of my explosions. ive already had my little bro in the ring of a little one and it will nvr happen again. but i just worry about when i run out of outlets….

all in all. its wut i do. ive been teaching since i had the knowledge to pass. and i think im one of those ppl who will die teaching. and i mean that in evry sense of the word. theres nuthin else i imagine myself doing forever. and lol, if u notice i didnt mention anythin about me bein mad broke on my mind about this job. yea, givin my lifestyle it surprises me too. and the gay thing…ill deal with later. besides they wont need to kno. my kids dun kno now lolz

til next time. stay frosty

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A REALLY BAD IDEA? CRUSHING ON UR BEST FRIEND…

Posted by ckashaan on November 3, 2009
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wow much liek really? heart u do this to me? or is it more my mind? i wonder.

so i went out today wit my best friend who i havent seen in a long time and i absolutely had to catch up with(and no. he still hasnt cut his hair, but its cuter long). it was cool we went to get lunch by his skool…not the place i picked though…and then we called another friend and were headin to c Paranormal Activity. by the time we got to the theater it had already started so we went to karaoke on 34th instead. a really cool korean place called Duvet.

we shared a story about how i saw him all exposed at the beach last summer. we sang many many songs and i strained my voice(no alcohol there. theyre strict on the 21+ thing) and then we parted our ways since i live in queens and its far.

…if only i still lived in brooklyn. in time i guess.

but no i did not type this to summarize my day, nor did i come to tell a really magnificiant joke(which i rarely do anyway. i just aint that funny). i came because i have sumthin on my mind/sumthin that i shouldve realized a long time ago.

im totally into my best friend…

i kno wut ur thinking. “well evryone gets a crush on their best friend at sumtime or another” and i have used that to try and explain this. and in the past its also explained my relationships lol, but this goes so much deeper.

personality..hes awesome. he knos when to b the complete hardass and a cute little softie. hes uber protective of evryone and we share the same interests across teh board. except for MMOs. i cant stand them, he cant get enough of them. plus i like how he is in relationships, like uber giving.

emotionally..there r few ppl im in tune with thoroughly. when hes down, im down. when hes happy, im happy. when hes goin through sumthin, i feel the need to put myself in the sitch and resolve it. like buddy synchronization.

physically..hes perfect to me. dont get me wrong, im visually crushin on much hotter guys who id just want to ravage in bed with(am i getting a little to personal wit that comment xanga?). but u kno that feelin where ur attracted to the way sumone looks and u find all their little inadequecies cute. like his little stomach fat is adorable. yea im a dumbass. and it doesnt help that ive had a first hand view of his package.

but even if i take all that into account and i realize i cant have him cuz he luvs boobies too much…plus i wouldnt evr start a relationship wit sumone that close to me, as of now, and risk the breakup…the fact is ive found my perfection and my heart is stuck on it. then my mind wont settle 4 less. im just gonna keep comparin evry guy i meet to him and omg thats gonna make dating really hard

ah ha!! they r workin together against me.

i hate to b all “its not my fault” but how do u look 4 sumthin else when wut u want is right in front of u? i wanna just b like “yo jonathan. ive got a mad crush on u, but ive put myself in jonathan rehab and im tryin to get better.” but i can already picture his face. i think that y im just gonna type this post and send him my link. well he has it, ill just tell him to check it. hey xanga helped me come out, it might as well help me with this too.

damn dinner break….brb
okie im baq.

but yea. im perplexed cuz i want sumthin i cant have. unless i were to find a boyfriend exactly liek him, i think he might b on the baq of my mind for a long time. i can deal with that, cuz thats how many things r for me. but im not sure if this will stay under wraps forever and i dont want it to b a strain on us. cuz i luv him too much to lose him over this stupid issue. and since i went all “crushy” in this post ill stress that i mean luv as in that “brotherly love” not romantic.

til next time. stay frosty

p.s. jonathan, if for wutever reason u come across this, i just want u to kno that this so doesnt change much. its not like imma jump u the next i c u lol