gay

All posts tagged gay

IF I WASN’T THE ONLY NOT STRAIGHT ONE

Posted by ckashaan on April 20, 2015
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There will always be those questions that throw me off guard. I think that’s just the dynamic of siblings. The younger ones seem to always want to keep the older ones on their toes. Especially when the older one is 7 years older and is basically an adult now who thinks he is ready for anything that they can dish out. But once in a while, there is always that question. And maybe that question can be caught in the older sibling’s defense in time and brushed off.

But the followup statement will get you.

One way or another, they get you.

“What would you do if I found out I was gay?”

Continue Reading

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COMING OUT AGAIN

Posted by ckashaan on October 31, 2014
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..Caution. This may be a long one..

I have a heavy burden upon me as this week closes. It resides in the back of my mind accompanying every thought. It lays its head upon my very soul. I have the highly stressful task of coming out to my younger brothers this weekend. Yes, I am happy they are finally at the age where, according to their mom, they are old enough to understand. Yes, I am scared shitless because I am an over-thinker that always instantly extrapolates the outcome of a situation to be the worst imaginable. Yes, I know it has to be done eventually.

No, I am not ready. Continue Reading

CELEBRATE A LITTLE

Posted by ckashaan on October 11, 2014
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Happy National Coming Out Day to you of the LGBTQIA community.

..seriously that acronym is getting long..

Firstly, I want to say congratulations to those who have come out as any one of the many LGBT identifiers. You’ve made it. You’ve hit the major milestone. Throw yourself a rainbow ice-cream party and celebrate. If you haven’t, don’t worry about it. National Coming Out day is a day to celebrate all the wonderful differences in the community and the process of opening up yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable being out yet, celebrate inside. Some people use this day as a little push to be open and reveal themselves. That’s cool too, but don’t feel pressured to do anything you are not comfortable in doing. Coming out is a personal process and it’s different for everyone. And it doesn’t have to be done today.

Be you, whoever you are.. Continue Reading

PRIDE 2012

Posted by ckashaan on June 25, 2012
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So I was at the nyc pride parade yesterday and it was an experience. It wasn’t my first time, but it was still something pretty cool again. Except body glitter doesn’t come off that easy lol.

But the atmosphere there was incredible. Its like that’s one place, no matter what, that we can be so open, wild, and crazy. And I love that feeling. With my personality I have the burden of having to come out repeatedly because everyone assumes im straight when they meet me. Sometimes im thankful for that unintentional subtleness because it helps me blend in where the fact that im gay would make things predictably uneasy. Still there’s a time when I have to come out and until then im “hiding”. Like 90% out, 10% not.

Although when anyone asks me if I am gay, I dont deny it.

But at the parade, at that gay bar, walking in the village, these are places where I feel that 10% let out and the weight lifted. Like I can breathe and not have to worry about how someone is going to take it. Or will I keep the same status I worked so hard for. Or will I be looked at differently. I can just be me fully and being gay is just a part of me.

I remember back to my post where I first came out and I said I only cared about the reaction and acceptance of my best friends. In theory that’s still valid, but im an adult in the real world and that isn’t a realistic stance to take. It matters because I can potentially have alot of roadblocks in my way, especially with my chosen career path.

I don’t know. I don’t think im going to change that yet. Lol I wont be completely freed until I walk into work with a rainbow button included on my bag. ..I love buttons..

Til next time. Stay frosty.

CHEETOS

Posted by ckashaan on May 22, 2012
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So 3 posts in a week. Not too bad if I dare say so myself. Well let’s hop into this one.

As I’m having this really cute guy over. Like ridiculously cute. Like the fact that he’s that cute and super nice, but I can’t have him as a boyfriend because he’s not gay sucks so much(hi kenneth!). It’s the “jonathan dilemma” all over again. But not as bad..

So as I was saying….

I am the epitome of leading a double life. Matter of fact, probably a triple life. I have what my brothers think my outside life is and what I portray to them. Then I have my actual life that only a handful of people see. Then I have…..well I guess it is just a double life lol. Oh wait no. I also have the image I have to portray to everyone else not privy enough to penetrate my inner circle. I guess my issue is that it’s hard to keep everything so compartmentalized. Different sections of my life in different places.

Only those in the circle get a view of everything and i don’t know how they don’t get disgusted with me. Like, excuse my graphic-ness, I just had a …really cute… guy’s “little friend” in my mouth and 2hrs later im going to walk into my building and say hi to my little brothers as if that part of me doesn’t exist. That’s not being a hypocrite right? I mean its not like I never said I didn’t do it. Nor did I say I don’t like it.

That brings up another question of when I come out to them, but that’s wayyyyyy farther in the future lol.

Sometimes I wish I had a life where all my worlds knew about each other. Where I didn’t have to switch mentalities…almost bordering upon switching personalities. Its alot of work, but you know me. I have to keep everyone happy. No conflict ever. No matter how much work it is for me.

But that’s mostly residual baggage from when I was younger. Now that im an adult, people I meet now don’t get a censored version of me. Its not a full “cory 101” either, but sortof a demo version. Its helped alot lol.

Shit I never noticed how damaged I really am. Why am I not some sociopathic killer? Lol. Ignore that side rant.

But yea.. ugh me and my lives. And ugh to my photographic memory also.

Til next time. Stay frosty.

ANOTHER VID UPDATE

Posted by ckashaan on November 13, 2009
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with as many videos as i seem to recommend off daveywavey’s site u think id b smart enough to just link the page to my blog right. but im jut too lazy lol. we can all have our lazy moments.

and quick update, me and my lil bro r, of course, best buds again.

but for this post, its a new vid off his youtube page. theres no need for me to put a link to his page cuz its like on the video page lol. actually imma let u be lazy too, cuz imma just embedd the vid here so u dont have to do any extra clicking. so here it is, enjoy;

til next time. stay frosty