So 3 posts in a week. Not too bad if I dare say so myself. Well let’s hop into this one.
As I’m having this really cute guy over. Like ridiculously cute. Like the fact that he’s that cute and super nice, but I can’t have him as a boyfriend because he’s not gay sucks so much(hi kenneth!). It’s the “jonathan dilemma” all over again. But not as bad..
So as I was saying….
I am the epitome of leading a double life. Matter of fact, probably a triple life. I have what my brothers think my outside life is and what I portray to them. Then I have my actual life that only a handful of people see. Then I have…..well I guess it is just a double life lol. Oh wait no. I also have the image I have to portray to everyone else not privy enough to penetrate my inner circle. I guess my issue is that it’s hard to keep everything so compartmentalized. Different sections of my life in different places.
Only those in the circle get a view of everything and i don’t know how they don’t get disgusted with me. Like, excuse my graphic-ness, I just had a …really cute… guy’s “little friend” in my mouth and 2hrs later im going to walk into my building and say hi to my little brothers as if that part of me doesn’t exist. That’s not being a hypocrite right? I mean its not like I never said I didn’t do it. Nor did I say I don’t like it.
That brings up another question of when I come out to them, but that’s wayyyyyy farther in the future lol.
Sometimes I wish I had a life where all my worlds knew about each other. Where I didn’t have to switch mentalities…almost bordering upon switching personalities. Its alot of work, but you know me. I have to keep everyone happy. No conflict ever. No matter how much work it is for me.
But that’s mostly residual baggage from when I was younger. Now that im an adult, people I meet now don’t get a censored version of me. Its not a full “cory 101” either, but sortof a demo version. Its helped alot lol.
Shit I never noticed how damaged I really am. Why am I not some sociopathic killer? Lol. Ignore that side rant.
But yea.. ugh me and my lives. And ugh to my photographic memory also.
Til next time. Stay frosty.