“If we can love someone so much, how will we be able to handle it one day when we are separated? And if being separated is a part of life, and you know about separation well, is it possible that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them? Is it possible that we can live our entire life without loving at all?’ – Mew, The Love of Siam
Life has decided to remind me, in the form of a text Monday night, of the impermanence of those close to me. I live with a very tight circle of loved ones around me. I live in that circle because it is invulnerable to the outside world. I live in that circle because my obliviousness to its vulnerability makes me feel safe and have no worries about them.
But I was reminded that my forced denial can be instantly blown apart.
well i’ve done it. i’m hitched up again. i’ve been taken off, or rather i put myself off, the dating market and a really awesome guy now has me all to himself. i’m pretty damn lucky.
can’t lie. i had my apprehensions about choosing this direction, but i’m in it for the long haul, and i’m excited to see where this goes. and slowly, but surely, my feelings for mike are starting to dissipate. although on our first official date of the relationship there were too many damn references to him. major issues with that. like i don’t want to have to be reminded of mike when i’m with ken. bad enough they’re both muscular irish guys lol.
but i like ken alot. im at a point in my life right now where my boyfriend has to also be my close friend. he is that to me very well and it’s what i appreciate the most. we just gotta work on his jokes lol. i guess the only part that concerns me, which didn’t with my last “infatuation” lol, is that i don’t see my “end goal senario” with him in it yet. it’s only one concern, but it’s a pretty big one to me.
maybe my expectations are too high. maybe i just need to be patient. i mean, look how long i took to make this decision and he almost seriously messed up. i’ll be patient. i’m young. why is my mind so constantly that far ahead anyway. hmmm, kenneth did say maybe i need to think more short-term. ❤
lol this is also the first time i’ve used a smiley in the title.
til next time. stay frosty
So it’s late, and my little brothers have once again coerced me into spending another night, this time I came prepared and brought a bag of clothes just in case lol. I’ll use this time to take them out tomorrow I guess. Handball and pizza isn’t so bad.
And plus Mikey got to fulfill his big wish to talk to my best friend. …now he wants to meet him.
I did talk to their mom and dad about some things that were bothering me. Like I love my brothers and i try to be there for them as much as I can, but I felt like I was kindof intruding on their space a little. It was funny because they had the concern that they were inflicting upon my social life. We basically had concerns about eachother and it was good that we took the time to air this out lol.
I also inquired as to why they never requested a progress report of the tutoring sessions, but they were judging my work by how they were improving in school and that it was great. So yaay for that.
I really love my bros, but I think sometimes they forget that I’m way older than they are. Well I know Mikey doesn’t because he brought up the big “sex” question to me today. Like no lie, that scared the shit out of me because right then I knew he would be trusting me for this kindof advice primarily. I’m a little nervous that I might make a mistake on this one. Especially when he tried to delve into my sexual history. I just stopped him by saying it’s none of his business yet.
I always thought it would be cool to have younger siblings. To play with. To grow up with. To have fun with. But this comes with such a great responsibility also. You are their role model, aside from their parents. Plus they take your words more seriously because of the fact that they can relate to you more. It’s a scary thing to have so much on you.
And sorry Jonathan for the surprise call thing. He really wanted to say hi. Like really badly.
Til next time. Stay frosty.