“Every moment in life is but a chance for you to learn a new lesson.”
I learned a new lesson today. Better yet, a new inside look at myself. After, what seemed to be, a 30 minute outward expression of an internal rant, I looked at myself like “holy shit. I thought I was passed this.” I am seriously unhumble. Not humbled? Lacking of humility?
I’m sorry. My vocabulary ability is deficient of the proper way to say the opposite of being humble.
So I am the over-achiever at work. We can start with that bit. I work fast, quick, efficient, correctly. These are some ways my boss describes me. They are what I try to be. It kinda puts a pep in my step when he praises me for something or tells me what a good job I’m doing or some other arbitrary, but genuine, way to let me know he likes what I’m doing. So when he takes the new temp, today is only his 4th day, to the uptown building to help the team do a major project for a higher up boss instead of me, his very capable most accomplished temp, I got a little upset. Well a whole lot upset. I guess I felt devalued and underappreciated appreciated in a way. Like all the hard work I did and had accomplished learning was for nothing. This guy is being trained by me, yet he got to go?
After my rant in my head, I realized it was a very smart decision on my boss’ end that really was because I learned higher abilities.
The main permanent staff he took were working on a major overhaul in conjunction with the mechanics for our building. They had to taken, they were the most qualified for the work up north. If I would have been the temp to go up, no one would have been able to fill the spot on the mechanic’s team. I had to stay because I’m the only other person who did the work before to know what’s going on and I know the procedure. My extra knowledge made me an asset to my boss to have operations keep going. In my blindness, I only saw being left behind and that left behind was an insult.
I was foolish. Unable to see the bigger picture. I was jealous. I did not have “the right thoughts”.
My humility wasn’t existing. I’m not the kind of person to brag about being the best at anything. I don’t want to lead. I don’t want followers. I don’t want the extra recognition. However, I do try to be the best and advance whatever capabilities I can so I can take second seat to the leader. I know, it doesn’t seem like I think I can be a leader or something, but that’s not it. I like the team. I work for the team. I try to make the team as good as possible. My main goal is to make everyone else around me as productive as possible. I’m not ambitious.
My preferred place is to be there right behind the leader, learning everything, ready to help them in whatever because I am that capable.
The best analogy I can think of is Batman being the sidekick to Robin.
But being humble…
I thought that I was above competitiveness and jealousy. This method and mindset should abolish those terms. I was surprised that I felt those. …and so intensely. It’s weird, I try to be so perfect and disciplined in my lifestyle that I forgot I was “human”. Not to say I think I’m perfect, just that I thought negativity was to a tiny minimum. I allow no room for errors and I was shown mine. Life has a funny way of messing with you. It forces you to tear down what you think you have figured out so you must reevaluate all over again. I now see that I must go back to that part of my core being and understand the mechanism of my ego.
Today will make me a better person going forward.
And I had a lot of fun today too.
Til next time. Stay frosty. ..understand yourself.