“One night stands” mean different things to different people. A meeting in a bar or club turned into a sexual encounter. A dinner date that concluded in unreturned phone calls and unheard voicemails. A rendezvous with the aid of an app for a one-off hookup session; names not even necessary. Whatever it is to you, they exist. Chances are, you’ve had or will have one. One sided or mutual. The undisputable observation is that they govern most, if not all, relationships everywhere.
Keep in mind this post will be as universal as possible, but it will be coming from the view of a gay, 24 year old from NYC. Not even upstate NY, but the part that pops up in everyone’s mind when they hear “I’m from New York.” Here a one night stand is just as common as a toll. In the gay community, it might as well be equated to just going to the bathroom.
The thing with these encounters is that, how you respond to their existence dictates the pattern of relationships you’ll have. You can embrace them. Use them to fill in time between steady relationships. You can use them as like fill up stations, just for when you’re running on fumes of the last romantic excursion. A supplement to whoever you’re dating; hopefully they are ok with that. Or you actively go out of your way to avoid them. Kind of like you deem yourself above them and they are for the lesser mortal unable to control an urge.
So, embrace them.
Really dive into them. Cruise around. Rack up a body count. View each person to which you are attracted as another potential conquest. Go and frequent the clubs. Party out hard. Catch the eye of your next unsuspecting victim ..or maybe a willing participant. Lure them in with your charm and sex appeal until they are yours. Devoid of clothing and ready for “whatever”. “Down for whatever” is like the universal lingo for “I will have sex with you and we don’t need to go any further.” But know this. You probably won’t have a longterm relationship of much substance. It’s hard to adjust from quick and painless to long and stressful. Not many people looking for a serious connection are attracted to your lifestyle anyway. Good luck with having a new body under you every week, or day, or even hour.
Too much? Ok. Let’s scale it back. Use only for rebounding after those nasty breakups.
Keep a few numbers in your phone for when things go south with your significant other. Know where to go to get a little bit of action when you need to purge. Excuse my language, but I believe this is the “fucking someone out of your system” method. Feel free to be vulnerable within your relationship knowing you have a failsafe in your back pocket ready to go. Well I guess that’s not true vulnerability is it? You’re not really invested in the bond if you have part of yourself out in the world. ..that’s like the precursor to infidelity. Times are tough, you end it and purge. Gets boring, you end it and purge. So you won’t really have a substantial connection with your partner. Flaky relationships. Good luck. Although, you do always have that possibility that you land a good one that doesn’t break up with you and will have no need for that rebound “one night stand”. Ehh..
Forget relationships and don’t invest into the one night stand until you need?
Interesting choice. Go without both and see how long it lasts. Wait until you need it. Until your loins create such a longing that self satisfaction is not enough. Then go out and make that call, hit up that bar, download that program. Focus on just yourself. Only taste another body when you need it. Like cocaine. Or cigarettes. Or meth. Or weed. Or any other drug that creates a stronger dependency with usage. First it’s “wow..it’s been a few months” then “been a few weeks” to “hmm haven’t gotten any all week” which ends in being “imma need some today.” Congratulations you are now person number one. It’s ok, embrace the hookup. You turned it into your personal drug anyway, might as well use and abuse it to get the most out of it.
So you want to just have an open relationship then?
Hookups on the side and come home to your soulmate. The lack of commitment you have is astounding. If you do have a partner willing to agree to this, congratulations. Not many are fully comfortable with the idea of the person they’re spending their life with spreading themselves around town. Sure the argument can be made that your true loyalty lies with your boyfriend/girlfriend and the outside is just physical. Sometimes the strongest feelings are born out of the physical. So now you have to use energy to balance the feelings in your relationship with stifling the feelings created outside. More work for you. Now there’s always that underlying thought with your partner that you may find more comfort in the bed of another. There is now instability, but you have your freedom. You get the babe and keep yourself satisfied as much as you can endure. Compromise?
Fine. You decide to eradicate them from your life and not let them influence you.
You condemn all physical only, non-longterm relationships. You focus yourself only on the commitment to your partner and have very deep and meaningful bonds. You may have a few long lasting relationships or many short lived ones. Which, in my opinion, many short lived relationships are the equivalent to the “one night stand”. You conclude hookups are only for the weak-minded and gluttonous. Having one person to call your own is all you need. Hey, you there. You are the tiny minority out here. Surrounded by a sea of people constantly finding new was to get their rocks off, you somehow have said “nah, I’m good.” But even making an active choice to go against the “one night stand” means it has affected you. Once again, the undisputable fact is that they govern most, if not all, relationships everywhere. They made you make a choice.
Choosing not to engage, is still a choice. They were there. You responded negatively. They caused you to turn a different direction and act accordingly.
Til next time. Stay frosty.