You ever just get the feeling of…”wander”? I just want to be somewhere else, somewhere different. Not particularly because I want to go there, wherever “there” is, but I just don’t want to be “here”. Take me anywhere.
“Here” is where my stress is. “Here” is where I have to work. “Here” is where I’m stuck in my apartment. “Here” is where I can’t be alone. “Here”, things are constantly moving and my soul needs to take a break. But if I stop running the routine while I’m here, then “here” will trample me. I just wanna be at a new “here”, a “there”.
stress
All posts tagged stress
What is wrong with me? This is the question I ask myself lately because I can’t quite figure it out. I know there’s something somehow keeping me from propelling forward like normal, but I have no idea what it is. I’m now torn between schooling, work, my little brothers, my stepfamily, looking for a new job, and a boy who’s falling for me fast even though I urge him not to.
I’m too damaged..I’ll break you..you can’t fix me.
I’m passing out on trains to catch some sleep. Watching my lectures at work because I have no other time. Cutting down my time with family because I can’t be the fun brother while I’m in this state. Times are hard for me right now, but I’m pushing through. I burn out everyday, go home, fall asleep, and push that reset button in my head to find a more efficient way to get through the next day. But I’m getting there.
I miss you..what was I thinking before?
Lol even all my extra social life is eradicated. I just have my best friend to keep me having fun when I need it. Mom went away for a week and I didn’t even have any hookups over. I’m either really too far gone out my mind or my ex really changed me. Nah I always say he changed me because I’m way different now than before. Or maybe killing the extra hangouts is my subconscious way of growing up. I do feel so much older lately with all the extra stress. I even looked at my favorite batman underwear like “why the fuck do I own this?” And I love them.
Maybe I’m scared to call you..he’s too small to not notice me..I didn’t think you did either.
I guess this random post was a way to purge my mind. Expel some overloaded thoughts. Everyone needs to purge once in a while. Even me, who holds everything in.
Til next time. Stay frosty.
man i luv coming up wit titles that make no sense until u think about it
. and finally this weblog entry box is working on the library computers. it was annoying copying and pasting the smiley urls. annoying..
.
but anyways….
yes im in a fairly good mood. i only left the house today cuz i had to. like i didnt have to, but if i wouldve stayed home, my dad wouldve asked y and i cant just b like i withdrew from my class so im free fridays..and tuesdays..and thursdays(technically)
. so i got dressed, he drove me to the train station and now here i am at skool.
and i wanted to c my bestie adaiah cuz i missed her on tuesday
. but unfortunately my other buddy jason is in class
. lol, but ill c him 2moro. or mayb monday cuz its gettin mad cold and i dont wanna go runnin to toys r us all the way from queens on a weekend 4 sumthin im probably nvr gonna use lol. arent i such a great person?
isnt it weird how much lighter my posts r if im not upset at sumthin, or radically thinkin about sumthin, or pissed off, or nervous. like i cant type anythin happy anymore
. lol this is wut happens when u get older and stressed out all the time. between skool, my work, my kids(i identify sumof my campers at work as my kids cuz they r awesome and mean alot to me. but not as like my offspring kids, like cool buddy kids
)(i wrapped evrytime..well almost
), my parents, and my best friend…i got my hands full.
like i got that strong feeling…
even though right now im typing like evything is happy and calm(the precursor) and im gonna probably go to work and come home in a relatively good mood if my campers dont make me pull my hair out(the preamble), in a couple of days or so sum shiz is gonna happen(climax) thats gonna make me wanna just shoot sumthin
. i didnt wanna say shoot myself cuz suicide is depressing and upsetting to alot of ppl in this world
.
well thats was my nothingness post. i really do hope u got sumthin out of it. mayb ill start doing posts about my opinions on topics ppl r tlkin about. but im not on a quest for comments like i used to b yrs ago(damn i been on xanga a long ass time
), this is my site and u can c it in my tagline “All About Me”.
so ill type wutevr the hell i want to.
but i still luv my few readers too.
til next time. stay frosty
p.s. jason just said we can go on monday. yaay to the big black guy
Boi Growing Up 