What is wrong with me? This is the question I ask myself lately because I can’t quite figure it out. I know there’s something somehow keeping me from propelling forward like normal, but I have no idea what it is. I’m now torn between schooling, work, my little brothers, my stepfamily, looking for a new job, and a boy who’s falling for me fast even though I urge him not to.
I’m too damaged..I’ll break you..you can’t fix me.
I’m passing out on trains to catch some sleep. Watching my lectures at work because I have no other time. Cutting down my time with family because I can’t be the fun brother while I’m in this state. Times are hard for me right now, but I’m pushing through. I burn out everyday, go home, fall asleep, and push that reset button in my head to find a more efficient way to get through the next day. But I’m getting there.
I miss you..what was I thinking before?
Lol even all my extra social life is eradicated. I just have my best friend to keep me having fun when I need it. Mom went away for a week and I didn’t even have any hookups over. I’m either really too far gone out my mind or my ex really changed me. Nah I always say he changed me because I’m way different now than before. Or maybe killing the extra hangouts is my subconscious way of growing up. I do feel so much older lately with all the extra stress. I even looked at my favorite batman underwear like “why the fuck do I own this?” And I love them.
Maybe I’m scared to call you..he’s too small to not notice me..I didn’t think you did either.
I guess this random post was a way to purge my mind. Expel some overloaded thoughts. Everyone needs to purge once in a while. Even me, who holds everything in.
Til next time. Stay frosty.