I cry for him, my little brother. On the inside though because you all know I can’t let that stuff out on a regular basis. I saw him today in a state which I’ve now seen him in too much since he got in high school. Maybe this is his time to be going through pure chaos, maybe there’s something underlying I’m missing, or maybe we’re just seeing how much power I have in the world.
I am his safety net. I’ve fixed the problems that blew up in his face. I’ve stopped the fights that were coming to him. I’ve even put my reputation out there and delved into my popularity to give him a “leg up” on the social ladder. Obviously I’m willing to do anything for him, but there is a downside to this I’m noticing. It’s not that I’m his problem fixer because I do teach him how to not make the same mistakes again and he’s learned, it just be different things every friggin time. I think the downside is an illusion is possibly forming of how far I can stretch to make him untouchable.
I’m glad he feels he can come to me no matter what it is and ask for help. I make sure all my brothers understand this, even if they are in trouble or did something wrong. But I think it’s also because they think that I’m the invincible older brother that can beat anything. I haven’t failed at any problem for them yet, but I feel as if I’m approaching my limits. As if I hit my limit long ago, but I keep getting lucky. The “brother who gets lucky” is not as capable as the “brother who is unstoppable”. I never want to fail him, but I have to push harder and harder to fight for him because it is always something bigger lol.
But even if I wanted to just let his shit fall and keep falling on him and not do anything while he collapses, which I would never do, I can’t because he’s my twin. Albeit 7 yrs younger than me, but born exactly on my birthday and you can’t deny the similarities between us…just in different stages. Which is probably why I can always fix his problems, I have an acquired advantage lol. You know how you hear twins speak of that “twin-telepathy/empathy” stuff? I didnt believe it until I got a twin bro. We’re not reading eachother’s minds full time lol, although we really do, but we allways feel what the other is feeling. And I can’t stand when he is depressed because I get depressed. When he’s mad, I get mad. But when he’s happy, I be in some unexplainable good mood lol..those times are few and far between lately though.
I don’t what to do. I felt his emotions through him way before he even came to work today, but I don’t know how to fix this. I’m not sure I can. I’m his big brother superman, but maybe kryptonite is being discovered in increasing quatities around me.
We need to take our birthday trip this year far away. Could use the vacation. I’m already saving lol.
Til next time. Stay frosty.