well, after a day delay and then other distractions all day, im finally starting this post at 9:22pm. great plannin cory. well at least im doin it b4 thanksgiving liek i said i would. but anyways b4 i get to my being thankful and wutnot, i wanna first comment on a discussion i had with my friend in skool today. if u came here just to read ur part of the post(assuming i gave this link to u), u can skip down. ill put sum marker to tell u im starting the touchy-feely part of my posting.
so we’re tlking and he commented on how im not a happy person, but im only content. and with that, content on seeing other ppl happy.(did i summarize that correctly jason?) now i cant lie…ive hit a low point in my life and i really am fine with having other ppl around me reaching their happiness. its kindof like if they can b happy, i can b happy by association. ive done this for so long its like its all i kno. if im not mistaken, i mentioned this b4 when i had my personal counseling class last yr. my professor said my personality was of codependance…i just wanted to help other ppl reach their goals and leave mine alone til afterwards. fully fully tru. i really dont care about wut i do too much..i just want to make sure that evryone is taken care of b4 i take care of myself. thats how i roll.
and in that, im happy. or content as he so put it. but to me its that same thing(which he also explained. god man ur such a shrink). mayb im depressed about being older or mayb theres nothin to excite me anymore, but i c no need to b happy. bein satisfied is all i need to get through the day. and yes, i agree, sumday it wont b enough…but for now, it is. and i can live with that.
im really focusing on this post so bear with the touchyness lol
..and i just got finished takin a break from writing cuz my dad made me clean the bar. i really lost my train of thought.
plus, bein an only child and all, ive come up with ways to pick myself up when i need sum happiness around me.
.now im starting.
so its thanksgiving. well 2moro anyway and i think i should express my thanks to ppl who ive been lucky enough to come across in life. like fate has crossed our paths for the better. positive karma.
and u ppl kno im a firm believer in the karmic circle. i live and breath by it.
well i guess ill go one by one. and i warn u, i will say sum things that may seem mean or offensive, but i do love u mad much so try to understand.
jason – i guess ill start with u cuz i mentioned u in my earlier post already lol. so obviously ur a big piece in my life. truely the best straight guy friend to the gay guy. u keep me grounded and its nice to have sumone around u can just “roll” wit. and ur my pokemon partner in crime(dun worry, noone will kno) and no lie, i swear i get all my hostility towards ghetto ppl from u. cuz b4, i just hated them, now im like genocidal. ur fault! and ur so gonna b a great dad when u get older…well u kno, as u get older. ur son will benefit from ur massive amount of wisdom and insight. but plz dont beat him…..
adaiah – haha im keepin the first part reppin brooklyn college. well bestie, wuts up? u and ur far rockaway-ness. wut can i thank u for that u dont already kno? i really dont kno. oooh i got one. if it wasnt 4 u, i would have like no friends at skool. hangin wit u i got to open my “cory” side and b all friendly. hangin in subo and meetin evryone. then eventually marvin. and when i first met him i swear i thought his name was really marve marve. dun tell him that plzzzz. he awesome and as long as he makes u happy, i wont have to kill him. and that phone pic thing was so funny. luvs u
now who next…
tony – im swear one of these days im gonna kick ur ass, but ur still awesome. and u keep me math tuned when im so tryin to just lose my mind from skool. ur like the voice in my head sayin, i need to keep workin hard cuz theres always gonna b sumone imma need to assist in the future. and wuts gonna happen when im no longer capable? its good motivation havin sumone like that on ur team. but i swear u fustrate me when u wont let it go that im not gonna b straight. sum things u just gotta accept dude. but i guess if u didnt question it so much, i wouldnt think about it, and then i wouldnt b as sure as i am. so thnk u.
kevin – i kno u didnt expect me to include u here did u? aight but let me get this out really fast. i swear ive wanted to kill u more times than i can count, but dude ur mad fun to chill with. and its been a while. and all the stress u added to my brain has helped me b more appreciative of the little mind relaxing things. basically, u help me enjoy life. and thats a truely undervalued gift.
ken – ken!!! little dude wit a guitar. i really miss callin u that. im gonna have to find a new name for u soon cuz u dont really play anymore. ur awesome. u helped me realize wut i wanted to do with my life(i bet u didnt kno that) and omg. guess who got me started on this site? yep u. i wouldnt have these yrs of posts and emotional releases if it wasnt for u. i couldve been a much different person if i didnt have this outlet and u set it in motion 4 me. if im not mistaken i mentioned this in one of my earlier posts, but if i didnt im mentioning it now. so thnks dude for helping me keep my sanity and giving me a way to look at how my life progressed ovr the yrs.
jackie – i felt like shortening ur name. so get over it. jeez its like im watchin u grow up in 2yrs and ur turnin out to b a great person. its natural human psychology to want to feel as if they r needed and ur one of the best pupils i could evr ask 4. even though u ask a million questions and u rack my brain and sumtimes sign off and i worry about u all night cuz u were so upset, id b so disassociated with life if i didnt have u. i dont think id care as much how i presented myself and made sure i led a quality and proper life…so u wouldnt look at me and wonder y im such a failure. so thnk u for bein the key to unlocking my desire to b an all-around good person. (well u and michael, but hes too young to read this. luv both u guys). …and ur toddler joke was so cold lol. i always appreciate how u can make me smile at myslelf.
jonathan – who else would i save 4 last. only the epic ass buddy i call my best friend right? dude, do i even really have to type about u. i guess 1st and foremost id have to thnk u for bein there 4 me when i decided to come out. and u were the first person i told, so it helped me b a little more confident about bein open with evryone and myself. u deal with my stupid obsessions and berate wutever u c as a poor quality. u also criticize my relationship wit my mom and i get the feeling u resented my decision to stay out in queens for this long. i should apologize, cuz, even though i didnt, it felt like i was abandoning u in a way….and id nvr in a million yrs. ur my absolute life friend and i cant wait til we’re older and livin like next door to eachother with a fam of our own. …lol if i evr get my relationship life on track… but dude, there really isnt much i could do without knoin youd b right there with me. and i nvr admitted this, but u were a big reason i didnt go away to skool. how could i leave my buddy here? and i dont regret it at all for a min. thnks for just bein u.
well now thats ovr, i wanna say thnks 4 readin, thnks 4 visiting, thnks 4 ur existence.
til next time stay frosty and have a happy thanksgiving
p.s. i took like 3hrs to do this damn thing lol. im exhausted, but at least i feel like i got to say wut i had to. for the sake of space and time, i left trivial things out. plz 4give me if u felt i shouldve put sumthing i didnt.