AT WUT POINT IS IT ENOUGH? WHEN DO I SAY “I CANT”?

Posted by ckashaan on October 4, 2009
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well xangans. its been like a month since my last post? im not keepin up that post number lol. i guess i should play a little catch up.

by now, ive fully assimilated into the gay lifestyle minus the gay clubs….but im not a club person anyway. i got a promotion at my job. ive moved out from my mom’s house and im in queens wit my dad. i met sum of the coolest new coworkers over the summer(special shout-out to Kiana, Joel, Camille, and Stephen) and life couldnt b more crappy.

b4 i go and vent, i think i should apologize b4 karma bitch slaps me into next week or sumthin. i was supposed to meet one of my friends, tony, at skool and i was totally unavailable. then it sucked more cuz i couldnt tell him cuz a certain bitchness in my life decides to mess wit my sole means of communication…but i digress. im sry dude, i hope u can forgive me in time. besides, u havent seen my tattoo yet.

next order of business, the venting part.

y the hell am i on call 4 evryone? do we not understand that i am like 93 million miles from evrything out there?(i hope sumone gets that 30 Seconds To Mars reference) sure…now i have 2 usable cars out here, but its not like i can get up and go when i want. nor do i have the time to run around like i used to. its just harder and i get a break from noone. uber stress that i dont need atm, but this is life right?

so im tlkin to kiana at the time of typing this and my thoughts r gettin sidetracked. i cant vent pissed emotions when sumone is makin me happy.

just i gotta note this b4 my mind wanders completely. i gotta take sum time out to get life adjusted out here. work my travels, my priorities, my evrything. i can only mentally degrade so far til it gets to the point of me not dealing with anything….and thats where i dont wanna get to.

til next time. stay frosty.

A DAY OF RETRONESS AND CANCELLATIONS

Posted by ckashaan on August 2, 2009
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i think that might b the wierdest title ive ever came up with. but that really was wut my day was like.

so i came baq to brooklyn for the weekend. i had to go to the doctor(to get a medical form filled out for work) and get my tattoo, but that was a secret operation. obviously i didnt get it or this post mightve been titled “OMG MY ARM HURTS” or “I GOT BRANDED YO” or sum other off-handed remark lettin u kno i got it. unfortunately it decided to rain… :clears throat: .. it was a thunderstorm …and my sis couldnt come out to get me. ur probably thinkin “y didnt i go myself?”. well first, its a place my stepsis and her fiance got their tattoos and they kno where it is and i dont. second, who the hell gets a tattoo in a thunderstorm? unless that place is like 100% soundproof, which i doubt it is, i wasnt gonna risk him flinchin and messin up.

plus i knew i wasnt gonna get it. when i went to get my tb shot, that crap hurt so much and it never does. that was my sign that i shouldnt do it. and if u kno me, u kno im a firm believer in external signs regarding future events…..yet im not religious. does that make sense?

but anyways, i stayed home and omg, i played my xbox. not my 360..which i left at my dad’s house, but it was my old one. and i played my games like it was baq in the old days. and i couldnt remember wut the hell i did b4 my xbox. like i had a playstation, then we moved. then i got a blank spot. and no it wasnt my gamecube cuz i got them at like the same time.

but i was so thinkin about modifications to my tattoo. like im keepin the design, but addin a few tweeks. if its gonna b my permanent statement, i might as well put evrythin i want in there. like the main thing was i wanted to add names. (which is interestin cuz i always said i would nvr put anyones name on me liek that)

but i was gonna add my longest bestest friends diagonally across the dragon body. it wouldve been the coolest contrast between the raw, free spirit and close tight bonds. (lol u like the naruto reference jason?)

then i was like, theyd probably kill me when they saw it lol.

so nah. but mayb, ill just add over time. liek a growin list.

but anyway, now im gonna take the money i wouldve spent on it and buy my ds lite 2moro. and im waitin til the next time i get paid to do it. especially since i under-priced. so im settin aside $200 instead of $100. i kno it sounds like alot, but i just want the breathin room. so im goin with a higher overcalculation instead. come to think of it, im gonna kill my next check cuz i gotta put about 300 in a new account to start to on jon’s netbook, then 200 for my tat, and i took time off so im only expect like 550 or sumthin like that. its a good thing i have to buy my dad’s bday present on this check or that would suck….much.

wish me luck for next time.

til next time. stay frosty.

p.s. would u have killed me jason? im just wonderin. lol jon and tony i kno u guys wouldve.

TRUELY GRATEFUL

Posted by ckashaan on July 29, 2009
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yea yea yea. im like a day overdue gettin this one to u, but i was sortof busy lol. forgive me? but let me drive this to u.

so im in popeyes at like 9:30 at night yesterday. it started cuz im chillin on the floor and my dad looks to c if i had my shoes on cuz we need to take a long drive. obviously i jump, get my shoes, and my wallet and im downstairs. i didnt assume id b gettin out of the car for a long time so i just kept on my cotton shorts and my t-shirt that i sleep in. i didnt lotion up either.

so re-cap, im ashy, poorly dressed, and its late at night.

he decides that we wouldnt get there and baq in time(we’re goin to coney island to get frog legs(nathan’s)). so we go to popeyes, which the company at the house decided would b the alternative. he obviously tells me to go in or else i wouldnt have explained to u the visual condition i am in. not up to my usual par.

so now add the previous to the fact that im in a popeyes, at night, in a ghetto area…..stereotype fit in much?

i wanted to die, cuz i was actually fittin in wit these ppl. but even this isnt the point of the post.

i got a little tired of waitin for my food(they were so crowded wit so many late-night ghetto chicken feens that they were makin food on the spot) that i looked behind in the baq to c who is the reason my food is takin so long. and i heard the cashier in the front say “where’s the order of mild”. wut surprised me was i heard a voice that sounded like it had been through alot in life respond “its comin up”.

i looked baq and i felt a deep sadness. this older women, couldve been my mom’s age had this look of utter tiredness. of deep fatigue. as if she didnt have the energy to go on, but had no choice cuz this job was her livelihood. she reminded me of slavery when there was no way out of the jobs they had.

i was like “aww man”. it made me really happy for the job i had. and fortunate. i have a great boss, the hours i want, great pay, and i do wut i love. now unless this woman enjoys standin in the baq of a hot fast food restaraunt cookin greasy fried chicken all day at the whims of the cashiers, then i dont think she gets to enjoy the luxuries that i do. its just one of those things that make u realize how good u have it.

or in this case, how good i have it.

just sum food for thought i guess.

til next time. stay frosty

p.s. i hope the first part didnt offend anyone…

THAT SPECIAL KIND OF BROTHERLY LOVE

Posted by ckashaan on July 26, 2009
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i must say there r 2 occasions that seem tomake me post no matter wut: when its rainin or when im waiting for adaiah to get out of class. (im sure one day ill link her blog to mine. …one day lol)

“The rain is my sedative, my drug, my tru love. She has been better to me than that mistress i call handball” – me

but anyways. i finally have figured out my winning in handball is directly tied to my emotions. like no matter wut, when it came to my best friends i couldnt beat them til i got pissed off at them for sumthin. even if i was better. it was like i choked in the end and gave it up. it happened wit william, til he bragged about beatin me so much. it happened wit tony, til well…i forgot. now it comes down to me and philip. my new arch nemesis. its kindof funny cuz when i first met him last yr i kicked his ass…easily. but then we got so cool so fast………….and i nevr beat him again. as hard as i try, theres nothin i can do. i gotta get over this weakness like fast, especially if i dont wanna b payin for dinner at applebees.

but i guess i really dont ever have to beat him really. cuz i dont want to. im happy to b able to say “yea philip is the only one who can take me on”. and then the kids look at us like unstoppable gods or sumthin. and i must say its better to have sumone else to share that with than bein the only one with the attention.

i guess wut im tryin to say in my own avoidance kindof way is that dude ur a great asian half-bro to have and u make bein all the way out here much easier.(i bet ur like how the hell do u get that from wut i just wrote?) plus u drive better than me too. luv u man.

and u too jonathan. and tony. and the big dog himself jason.

and so u dont think im bein all sexist u too ady.

damn it sucks bein so far away from my bestest buddies in the world.

til next time stay frosty