I still look back on the old me in junior high school like “what were you thinking?” I told myself that no matter what, I could do it all on my own. And believe it or not, I made the effort not to have friends. I hated almost everyone. Except the girl who I fell in love with(and I use that word with full meaning). It was like the biggest pain in the ass when the teachers assigned us group projects.
Like “bitch why you gotta be forcing us to communicate?”
Of course I never got picked outright. I was always placed, bit I’d rather it that way because it made me feel like I was following my intentions.
Then I got older.
It’s impossible. It truly is. No one in this world can survive on their own. I realize that this day. This very day. I got to where I got by myself…all by myself. I don’t care what anyone says they think they did for me. I did do it alone. But up to a certain relatively recent point in my life, I have been lucky enough to befriend people who have come to aid me in my shortcomings. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wasn’t for them.
And you thought I was a self-centered jackass before I said that last part didn’t you?
And then people wonder why I place my friends above my family. Hello….they are actually there for me when I need them….and I try to make sure their concerns are not one-sided.
But I gotta say, today was especially hard because financial support is something I refused to receive aid on. And this was my life test today. I was put in a situation where I really needed it and I was given an offer by a good friend. I swallowed my “do it alone” addittude, reluctantly, and accepted. Lol because I knew I’d almost never recover from this one alone.
But I love how life smacks my loner self in the face and says “go be a part of everybody. you have more to offer as they have what you may need.”
So for all you loners out there, trust me I was you. A certain part of me is still you. But don’t hold on to thinking you can solve all your problems alone. No one was meant to stay alone. Life will drown you.
Everyone needs someone.
Til next time. Stay frosty.
