Evrytime I’m out late I tend to go into this state of deep though on the train. I gotta stop this partying hard lol.
I’m in the library wit my friend comin from work and I venture off in search of sum good gay literature to read and give me sum inspiration for this post(cuz I dun do enuf gay things lol), I end coming up finding a diff book that makes me think about sumthin else altogether. And it happens to b sumthin that’s been on my mind for while as one of my questionable priorities.
You’ll nvr guess wut it’s about…
The desire to b thin in society.
It’s also Funny cuz I just put a post on the joint blog about lying through external asthetics and now I get inspired to personalize a bit on my blog. Wow much.
But it brought to thinking I’ve tried so hard to b so fit for so long and I still wanna modify it a bit and the only thing stopping me is my mind has the knowledge that I might take it a bit too far. Last thing I want is to b a tank walkin down the street unable to put my arms at my side lol.
But y do I think about it so much? Y do I want to stay this way? Y wasn’t I happy wit myslef b4? It’s kinda funny I always thought to myself i’d wanna make sure I was fit and looked good for my boyfriend to be cuz I’d b, in part, a reflection of him as he would b of me(plus bein primped and look conscious is a good skill for life. And my friends tend to use my judgement alot, which im proud I can help), but now I kinda dun care(key word there is “kinda”. Relax). I’ve come to realize that most ppl tend not to care and r just happy wit wut they have. Either that or they’re just to lazy to change and that forces them to b happy wit wut they have(like sumone I kno lol). I guess that’s a good thing too.
But I guess my issue with this, as is with most things, is that I’m tryin to find the balance in it and I’m failing much. Either I’m over focused on gettin tightened and my willpower takes full control(which is y I looked the way I do now) or I’m super lazy and dun give a crap and just consume all(which is my current state). I’m also an emotional eater so that doesn’t help me any lol. Argh mind is stretched thinking of too many things and I’m stressing on the little stuff I guess.
Til next time. Stay frosty.