You’d think I’d b able to handle it all by now. Wit all my insightful experience and all that I kno, It’d b a little easier. Or mayb I should kno now that I can’t b perfect.
The topic ladies and gentleman is losing….
I lost today. At work. Well it’s funny cuz I didn’t even lose. It was a handicap game and we were in the middle of it. But we were behind. Yes I said “we”. Usually I’m the one dominating by myself and playing against 2 ppl. This time I was on the receiving end of my own punishment.
I gotta say it was like the biggest “fuck u” I’ve ever received from handball. I’m the hardest trained, the highest skill leveled, the only pro tourney player and yet I was losing to sum second rate player who’s only high skill is cutting. Granted I had a little kid on my team and he got the majority of the hits to him, but still. I’m too flipping good for this loss and yet it happened.
And I reacted like I did baq in the old days(though not to the extremes) wit the mental belittlement. And I did notice and I fixed that right away when my little bro approached me. It sucks, but I have to remember I’m being looked up to and emulated. When I first started losing at work, me and him acted the same way. The same additude, but different reasons. He was sore cuz it was sumone else’s fault, me becuz I felt I was insufficient in my abilities.
My output wasn’t high enuf. I was lazy. I should kno better. I need to react faster. These r things I drilled to myself when I lost. Whether the circumstances were against me or not, it was always my fault. I couldve played sumone who was a world tour player and it would b my fault that I lost.
“we all have the abilities to win. It’s just knowing how and when to use them that secures victory”
But wit my losing baq then, I’ve always worked harder and harder and now it’s rare for me to lose. ….like really rare…. That’s y I thought I was wise enuf to handle it. But apparently I’m not. Mayb always winning got to my head, or mayb I can’t accept anyone to b better than me. Or mayb I’m just one of those ppl where second is not good enough. But beating myself up after a loss isn’t gonna cut it anymore evn though it worked in the past(and look how good it got me). I’m too old to b conveying “learn don’t react from your losses” and then I react to mine witout thinking first.
So imma learn. Imma learn well. I guess it’s time to activate my “sharingan” once more.
Much love.
Ps. I still can’t believe my style got dubbed the handball sharingan. It’s fortunate my fav character has one. Lol.
Boi Growing Up 