Boi Growing Up

I am absolutely terrified of having kids. Always for my future, even since I was a little teenager, I had a certain vision. A cute little house with whoever I fell in love with and a couple of kids, 2 sons or a son and daughter. Interesting enough, when I was younger I wanted adoption to my first way of having kids before/if I had my own a natural way. I just looked at the staggering amount of parent-less children and thought it would be good if I could offer, at least one of them, a bit of family love.

Look at me being all altruistic.

Soooo yeah, that future family life. Simple and neat. Oh yeah, also want a doggie hahaha.

But, I’m getting older now and closer to the “prime age for raising kids.” Old enough so that I’m not so irresponsible and young enough so that I could keep up with their energy as they age. That responsibility aspect is a big thing for me though. Raising kids is definitely something I don’t want to be bad at so I got to keep in it 100%. I see my younger brothers growing up into their late teens. My younger twin turns 18 years old this year on our birthday! Yikes!! It takes my mind off their development and I can jump to the things I want. Like pushing them out from under me so they can be in the sun themselves. I’m reminded I’m in my mid 20’s now..well I’m getting there. My life is about to be solidified and room will need to be made for the juveniles.

My mind is jumping pretty far ahead without a leash keeping me on a day to day.

I’m not going to run out and make some babies tomorrow though. I’m 30,000,000,000% set on that. I want to wait until I have a hefty savings with a more than adequate income. Married or not isn’t important to me personally, but I’d rather be settled with someone. I’m just stuck on how I’m going to have kids. I could go the natural route and have a surrogate/sperm donor thing, but babies scare the absolute shit out of me. You never know what exactly they want and their crying makes me nervous. Although, I am very good with babies. I think my mind just turns it into a crisis situation and does what is needed to be done. Plus you have the added potential stress of any custody issues that can arise and I’d hate to go through that.

Or which one of us will be the biological father?? More complications..

I could go just straight adoption. Be the world to a child who feels theirs is incomplete. It’s a very good thing, but it comes with downsides of its own. I’ve researched it over and over again. I’ve looked over the paperwork like 2 or 3 times a year since I was 17. It is a very long process. Like possibly years long. While I’m not saying that’s a bad thing because the inquisitions should be thorough when you are dealing with the lives of young ones, but it’s just sooooooooo much haha. How would I solve any behavioral problems? What if former parents decide to come back into their lives and request them back? I wouldn’t know what to do for that. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle that.

And plus I’d want to go an orphanage and leave with every kid just because I would feel bad. I’m such a friggin softie.

So there’s that stuff. What about growing up? My baby brother, I’m probably going to be compelled to write about this soon, is showing major signs of a developmental disability. That has always been a major concern of mine. What if something goes wrong and something happens my baby that leaves he/she handicapped? How do I handle that? As a parent, how would I refrain from placing any unrealistic expectations upon a child that they can’t reach? I never worry about them knowing that I completely and unconditionally love them because, if nothing else, I can do that.

28 is my kid age. I have 3.5 years left. In terms of money, that not a total issue since I’m putting away now and still looking for ways in to advance and the business is doing fairly well.

Just will my life be ready?

Will, if I have one, my partner be ready?

Will my mind be ready?

Til next time. …how about volunteering at an orphanage. :]

p.s. I’m not saying “Stay frosty” until it gets a bit warmer. Legit I need the weather to warm up. I am sick of all the cold and snow.